the actus reus of envying
a jealousy that consumes me whole
please believe me i never wanted to hate you
i was just trying to find a home
i've loved you for two years now
i don't know how it's stayed this way
but the words i breathe won't utter
anything that breaches your contract
i know what i can't say
i never wanted to harm you in any little way
i never wanted you as an enemy

the relationship between you and me has soured
the relationship between you and me is poisoned
and i'm not the one who poisoned the well
you've always acted so oblivious but
i know that you can tell
what kind of damage you've done

this is the song that takes everything out of me
every drop of blood and bead of sweat in my body
drain myself and slip it all in my pen
i'll write my songs and you'll never see me again
it's the only way that you'll ever listen
to anything that i say

there's a pressure strong from each and every
one of my friends and they all want me to
call this miserable thing to its end and
when it's finally dead
their presence strong, i can stand
with the lessons learned
i may live to walk again

two damn years of pushing and pulling away
two goddamn years of millions of words
typed with nothing to say
two fucking years of being the
shoulder that you leaned on
two thankless years of pain that
i apparently only bring upon myself

people see the shit that i go through
and they all tell me to get the fuck away from you
i laid in your bed and i sucked your pretty cock
but i guess that those are just the magic words
for me to not be allowed to say

so i'll just scream them
i know you know what i mean
you can't keep me silent
i know the things i've seen

i wish you could beat me to a pulp
and put me in my place
i want to see the anger
on your pretty fucked up face

the self-loathing tied to you
what a goddamn addiction
i feel it taking over
such an impossible prediction
another week where you don't talk to me
another incision
another lover who doesn't love you
out of my jurisdiction
i mention how we touched each other
and you just call it fiction
i mentioned how we touched each other
and you call it fiction
tell me i'm schizophrenic
what a contradiction
tell me to go get help
and now i'm evicted
i mention how we touched each other
and you just call it fiction
i mention how we touched each other
and you just call it fiction
i mention how we touched each other
and you just call it fiction
i mention how we touched each other
and you just call it fiction

i still love you with all of my heart
every single beat is for you